Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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