My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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