I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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