i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
