what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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