you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
