I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
