Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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