this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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