We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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