I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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