AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
