hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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