We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Everclear isn't food dammit
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
