I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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