hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize