You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize