i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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