I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
