I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
