I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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