I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
