if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
