Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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