There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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