Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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