Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
BRING THE BAGELS
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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