I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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