i just had sex bonerless
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Mom said you looked used
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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