ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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