my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize