i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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