3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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