spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
