I can text with my tongue
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
