4 words: hood of his car
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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