Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
