I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
