And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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