my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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