how hairy? two words: wookie tits
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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