I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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