Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
