Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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