maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
