Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
two words: eviction party
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
