I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
