so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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