And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
