i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
