Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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