Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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