Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Houston, we have a blender
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
