i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We're too hungover to prance.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
