why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
