We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
