you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
