it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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