Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
