have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
