I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
