I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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