when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
