Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
