He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
