Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
