Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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