I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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