Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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